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The raw excitement of what I was planning struggled against the guilt as I sat there wondering if I should (or could) really do this when I saw his car go by.This was my moment ... Do I follow him home, as promised, or chicken out?Taking a deep breath, I made my decision and pulled out to follow him.As we drove to his house, the struggle between guilt and excitement continued. This wasn't the first time I'd thought about it after finding out about his affair, but I had always talked myself out of it before it got this far. As I debated on it, my thoughts kept going back to the advice a dear friend had given me on the subject when I reached the end of my rope a couple weeks earlier: "You can't take it back once it's done, so be sure it's what you really want before you do it," he said. "But if you're going to do it, hold nothing back. You won't feel any less guilty if the sex really wasn't all that great, so give yourself to your lover completely while you're there, even if it's just. "The last I heard she and Mike were working on some kind of real TV deal." he admitted."Well, is she coming back down here or are you going to move up there?" I asked."We don't know yet. It looks like for the next five years I am going to stay here." He didn't sound angry or even irritated."That's up to you Lucas. You know all that wasn't personal?" I said."I know, but it seems like you did it to spite Gwen." he said."Well we are just to have to disagree on that. Thanks for bringing the cruiser over," I said handing him the single key to the ignition.Even though I had worn the full ski hood and neck scarf, it was cold riding the bike the two miles. It was also a definite wake up experience. There is no way that anyone could have that early morning groggy feeling after a ride like that.I parked the bike in the store room. I had left the can with the extra gas behind. Since Lucas still had his bike there, he could make use of it. I parked the bike as far away from the boiler as.
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